This morning I caught a live feed that the lovely Suzy Ashworth was doing in the baby business group.
It was all about perfection and it got me thinking not just about my own, often over active perfection driver, but about the lovely women I support in preparing for birth and the feeling that we must strive to achieve - as if growing a small human for 40+ weeks isn't achievement enough!
Yes we live in a perfection driven society...always being encouraged to strive for the best of EVERYTHING, but it’s just not realistic and particularly when it comes to birth.
I am definitely guilty of wanting to do things perfectly - be a perfect Mum, be a perfect wife, be the perfect therapist...the list is endless, but the reality is there is no such thing as perfect except as Suzy says,
‘in the dictionary’
Listen ladies – you CAN’T fail at giving birth!
But I completely get it when I hear you say you think you failed. I know those feelings all too well.
I fought, planned and prepared endlessly for my second birth, but honestly somewhere deep down in me was a huge fear of failure (which in hindsight is nuts) but after all of the fight and preparation – I did feel I had something to prove.
To who I don’t know, but it was very real and it forced me to really think about and notice that bloody perfectionist voice creeping in and to really get to grips with my fears.
So how can you come away from your birth feeling like you rocked it rather than like you failed?
Start talking that perfection driver down before the big day! In fact tell her to ‘fuck off’
Notice what triggers those awful feelings of failure and take note! What is happening in that moment? Have you really failed or is it simply that persuasive little voice creeping in?
Write it down! Flip it on its head – start TALKING!
And yes, consider how you might deal with the unpredictable twists and turns that birth can bring. But by this – I don’t mean going through a long list of ‘what if’s’ because I’m definitely about focusing on where you want to be as opposed to where you don’t.
It’s a great way of flexing that communication muscle with your partner or whoever is going to support you at your birth and for releasing those persuasive fears that can be a real Debbie Downer during your pregnancy party!
If you’re caught up with feelings of failure or think you’d like the benefit of a little bit of birth prep the Calm Birth School way – get in touch, I’d love to support you!